


What Happened to WolfStar:  Greatest Mistake (Part 1)

by fantasytrash



Series: What Happened to WolfStar [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Drama, Drinking, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin/ Sirius Black - Freeform, Sadness, Smoking, Song fic, my first work ever, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform, wizard world, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 19:53:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14755262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasytrash/pseuds/fantasytrash
Summary: The first of the fourteen-part  'What Happened to WolfStar'  series.  Part one follows Remus in his grieving after the death of the Potters.  Loosely based on the song Greatest Mistake by Ben Haenow so listen to it if you'd like to.





	What Happened to WolfStar:  Greatest Mistake (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is in no way affiliated with, sponsored, endorsed or approved by her amazingness J.K. Rowling or the Warner Bros. company.

Tuesday, 3 November 1981, 4:00

The sky is dark.  The air is cold.  Some hours have passed since midnight and still Remus is awake.  Sleep no longer comes to him.  There are just too many thoughts to think.  Painful, terrible thoughts.

Staring at the ceiling proves easier than thinking.  So Remus lies in his bed, on his back, and stares straight up at his plain old, bedroom ceiling.

_James and Lily have been dead for two days.  Little Harry is an orphan._

_Sirius has not been home in two days._

_James and Lily are dead and Sirius is missing._

Hot tears fall from the corners of his eyes and slide down his temples to his ears.  He can’t stop thinking.

Today is Sirius’s birthday and Remus keeps hoping that the man will appear.  He keeps hoping that Sirius will come home and tell Remus where he has been.  Or better yet, tell Remus that this has been some horrible dream, or an awful prank that he and James have pulled.

But this is not a dream.  No, the pain is too real. 

And this can’t be a prank.  No, because James is dead.

And people keep saying it is Sirius’s fault. 

Sirius killed James and Lily. 

Sirius orphaned little Harry. 

Sirius!  Sirius!  Sirius! 

Sirius ruined Remus’s life. 

But Remus can’t believe it.  He can’t mourn his friends.  Can’t grieve.  Can’t eat, can’t sleep or breathe without thinking about Sirius.  Because he needs Sirius.  He wants Sirius and Sirius is everywhere except for right next to Remus.

Days pass and now Pete is dead too. 

And Sirius is in Azkaban.  

Only he isn’t. 

He is everywhere.  His voice is in the wind.  His smell is in the air.  He’s in every bus window and on every street corner.  Remus can’t escape him.  He is all Remus can think about and it doesn’t make sense.

Remus has questions for Sirius.

Like:  _Why?_   And  _Ho_ _w could you?!_

Remus has statements for Sirius too.

Like:  _I hate you.  I hate you so much._

_But also, I love you.  I love you so much._

Messed up as it is, Remus still loves the man that has taken everything.  He loves him and he hates him.  Wants to kill him, wants to kiss him.

Tuesday, 10 November 1981, 18:17

Sirius Black.

Smart, strong, kind and beautiful Sirius Black. 

Finally lived up to his family name. 

The murderous Sirius Black.

James, Lily, Pete, each had been like a kick to Remus's gut.  Why hadn't Sirius just kicked him again and ended it all?  Why did he leave Remus all alone.

Twisted Sirius Black.

His wicked parents might have been proud.

Remus takes another gulp of firewhisky straight from the bottle and chases it with a drag on his cigarette.  He is a hollow shadow of the man he was two weeks ago.  Not sleeping and barely eating has taken its toll.  But Sirius has done the worst damage to Remus.  He has destroyed him.  Broken him.  Poisoned and infected him.  There are no good or bad days.  There is only time.  Time Remus is only aware of because he cannot ignore the loud ticking of Sirius’s grandfather clock.  Time Remus spends sitting cross-legged on his carpet staring into the empty fire place. 

Sometimes, Remus skips time.  His body succumbs to the heavy combination of starvation, dehydration, exhaustion and grief and passes out completely.

Thursday, 19 November 1981, 13:02

Another passing week sees Remus missing funerals.  He just can’t bring himself to go.  He is jealous- so jealous- of his dead friends.

Sitting on his bed in half a suit Remus hangs his head in his hands.  He doesn’t cry any more.  He physically can’t.  There are no tears left to cry.  No energy left to make them.

Tuesday, 22 December 1981, 16:23

Winter brings snow and Christmas.  Remus is spending the holiday at his parents’.  He sits on a stone bench in the garden where he grew up.  The cold is almost soothing, similar to the relief you feel from running cold water over a burn.  Remus has been burning since October 31.  Wondering why Sirius hadn't killed him too, and wishing he had.  But slowly his pain is beginning to numb.  Remus has decided to move out come the New Year.  He will find a new place, one of his own, one that doesn’t hold any memories of Sirius. 

Friday, 1 January 1982, 00:00

Remus is at a party, a half empty cup in his hand as he stands awkwardly by himself.  He understands that there had been good and bad in Sirius, as there is good and bad in everyone.  But Sirius had let the bad in him get the best of him.  And Remus hadn’t seen it coming.  He will not make a mistake like Sirius again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading /*


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